rabbitstew's Diaryland Diary

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Fuck me, the mentalist shitsticks only went and voted for the black fella

A momentous day indeed – since leaving work last night the world has changed for the better it seems with my office walls going from a mucky magnolia to one that’s slightly less so, and as we speak there’s a wee chappy finishing me off. I did feel a bit, well, violated this morning, getting in to find all my stuff had been moved all over the place. I happened to mention this to my sister who I was texting at the time.

I imagine it to be exactly like being raped

Tim rape isn’t funny

What, ever?

Why don’t you ask someone who’s been raped?

Yes, I’ll just pop down the women’s refuge. Or how about I don’t you humourless shit. I know it’s not… that was sort of the…it was… Oh shut up, shut up, shut up.

What I didn’t know is that there are only 2 colours in the whole universe so that when I said I didn’t want the yellow my boss had in his office, by default I was choosing magnolia, which, if other colours did exist, which they don’t, would have the slightly less beige Joyless Life to one side and the touch more cream of Purgatory to the other on the nonexistent Dulux colour chart that isn't.

I did quite like the other fella. He may have had cold soulless eyes but did something weird with his arms when he talked, like he was hugging an imaginary bear. I really didn’t think they’d vote black though and feel a bit proud of them that they have, in much the same way I do when my youngest nephew with learning difficulties draws me a picture. Awww well done you. *rubs collective American head in affectionate manner*

It’ll be a good time to be a racist comedian. It’s the “White” House do you see? And he’s black. Oh the comedic possibilities are endless. I can see Jim Davidson now doing the xenophobic dance of glee at having enough material for an entire summer season at Blackpool.

3:54 p.m. - 2008-11-05

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